sick as

Moving

2010-04-12T18:19:00.000-06:00

Due primarily to mounting dissatisfaction with blogger, Sick As is moving to somekindofcosmonaut.tumblr.com. Just click here. Anyway, I'm still learning the ropes over there, so if anything is really messed up let me know. Also, this site will continue to be here, as an archive of sorts, though there shant be any new posts. Thank you for the presumed cooperation, all five of you who come here.

A Day With Skeeter

2010-04-11T08:41:00.006-06:00

Saturday the forecast for Red Feather Lakes called for sunshine and temps above 40 for probably the first time this year, and I was excited to try some projects in non-miserable conditions. The two other days I've been to Red Feather this year involved post-holing along frozen-tundra approaches to climb poorly on icy boulders. Saturday, though, the sun was shining and the air was fresh. Birds were chirping and there was a distinct lack of bone-chilling breezes. Spring was upon us.

Groundation / Mass Hysteria

2010-04-08T06:48:00.001-06:00

Right Sign

2010-04-07T06:47:00.000-06:00

Top Ten Albums: Houdini

2010-04-06T17:48:00.003-06:00

Almost as good as Joe's Valley is the classic Houdini, by the Melvins.

Despite being a somewhat legendary act and being listed as an influence by nearly every band I liked when I was in high school, I didn't get into the Melvins until college. I distinctly remember hearing Honey Bucket for the first time, riding to class in a friend's car. The song came on randomly and I had no idea what it was or who it was by, but it was so unbelievably heavy that I had to ask. He told me and I stopped by a record store on my way home and bought Houdini having not heard any other song from the album. I was not disappointed.

Expecting to hear heavy, fast songs along the lines of Honey Bucket, I was surprised with how slow the other songs were. Furthermore, I was surprised by how heavy they were. I mean, shit, these songs are heavy. The guitars are tuned low, the bass is cranked, and the distortion on both is so thick you could spread it on a bagel like cream cheese. Cream cheese made from the milk of this goat, probably. And the drums, good lord the drums. Dale Crover is a beast, and his power behind the kit is readily apparent throughout the album. What impressed me the most was how the band managed to play really slow while somehow keeping the songs interesting. Joan of Arc crushes along at a glacial pace while the verses of Hag Me are so slow it feels like the song is falling apart. But the band always seems to come together in the nick of time to move the song forward. Most of this is due to Crover's uncanny ability to keep even the most lethargic beats on time and his knack for entering and exiting a song at all the right moments.

Houdini got me psyched on the Melvins, who in turn opened the door for me to many other bands, like Fantomas, Baroness, Jellow Biafra and the Melvins, ISIS, and Sunn 0))), to name a few.

Anyway, I listened to Houdini all summer, windows rolled down on I-25 in a car with no air conditioning, speakers crackling King Buzzo's demented growl, smashing imaginary drums on the steering wheel to Night Goat. Years later, I can listen to Houdini and feel the same way I did the first time I heard it; confused, excited, and fired up. Be sure to play it loud.

Project...

2010-04-06T06:47:00.003-06:00

Wait, what?

2010-04-05T11:24:00.003-06:00

This last week I was in Joe's Valley, climbing on fantastic boulders with great friends. Sobe's were drunk, shit was talked, whales were shallow, and less-than-spectacular food was consumed.

It's kind of ridiculous to think that I spent five days climbing on two boulder problems, but I seem to operate best when my focus is narrowed down to a few specific goals. In this case, those goals were Trent's Mom and The Ghost King. One of these goals was accomplished, and one was not, with Trent's Mom being the one that got away. I climbed on Trent's Mom four days last week and three days on a previous trip this year, and each day went about the same: hike to the boulder in the morning, warm up on the juggy moves, climb to the crux move from the start ten or so times, fail to lock down on the right hand and fall. My first day on the problem this trip I managed to latch the hold, but my hand exploded off as I was setting up to make the next move. The problem feels mechanically easy, but I've acquired such a mental block that execution remains elusive. I blame myself. Jamie suggested many times that I get pushed into the top so that I could figure out the finish and gain confidence, but I stubbornly (and prematurely) declared it "in the satch" and ignored his advice. Seriously, get a slight power spot through as many moves as possible before getting serious about trying from the start. And always, always, always do the topout first. I did Ghost King in a few tries after getting pushed into the top crux and doing the topout, and the confidence gained from doing so proved to be the key to success. But Trent's Mom, man, I've let that thing take over, and it's a complete mental battle to get psyched up for each attempt. Which isn't to say I'm not psyched. Indeed, psych couldn't be higher to finish this excellent boulder. I'm just sayin' that there is a strategy that works for sending projects, and ignoring that strategy usually doesn't pay off so well. Learn from my mistakes, children. Learn well.

Anyway, there will be future trips to Joe's, and many more chances to fall off the top of Trent's Mom. In the mean time, I hope to put some effort into lingering local projects before the alpine season opens up. The Trifecta awaits...

The Masterpiece

2010-04-05T01:03:00.001-06:00

Jitterbug Perfume

2010-04-04T11:59:00.004-06:00

Top Ten Albums: Everybody Knows This is Nowhere

2010-03-23T16:39:00.000-06:00

In lieu of climbing, I've decided to compile and review my top ten favorite albums in an effort to figure out why I like them so much. As they're finished I'll post them here, in no particular order. First up is Neil Young's classic, Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere.

Originally released in 1969, this album is one of the oldest on my list, but it sure doesn't sound that way. The production value is high, the vocals are clear, and the individual instruments are well separated in the mix. But there are still rough edges: the guitars are harsh on the higer notes, the bass gets muffled under the drums, and the cymbals wash out at points, and that's what gives the album authenticity. It feels like it was made by a band in a room, not, say, Billy Corgan by himself in a isolation chamber. Also, the album starts with Cinnamon Girl, which is one of the best songs ever written.

Everybody Knows alternates between being very tight and focused, as in the aforementioned Cinnamon Girl or the title track, and being loose and free, such as Down By The River or Cowgirl In The Sand. The latter two songs reach dangerously close to "jam territory," but the band never succumbs to full-on Phishdom. Instead of some idiots trading out extended, non-melodic solos, the band stays firm in the song's groove while Neil adds tasteful (side note: yes, sometimes Neil goes overboard with the whole one-note-solo thing, but whatever, I like it) noodling on the guitar. The point is that, even when jamming, the band keeps it simple and doesn't over-complicate the song. Nothing sounds busy because the band sits back and lets the song dictate where to go. The prime example of this is Cowgirl. The round, heavy bass line, full of pauses and breaths, counteracts the sharply accented rhythm guitar, while the drums keep the song moving forward at a steady pace. The guitars and bass bounce all over the place during the verses, but once the vocals come in for the chorus the whole band snaps back into rigid time, delivering a poppy, concise moment amidst the otherwise loose jam.

The album is stylistically diverse, with heavy, long jams (River, Cowgirl), straight-forward rockers (Cinnamon Girl), and even country-tinged front-porch jams (The Losing End, Everybody Knows). Even the slower, ballad-y songs (Round and Round, Running Dry), which usually put me to sleep, work to vary the pace of the album. And while those latter songs I don't cue up individually, I don't skip over them when I listen to the full album, which says something of their necessity to Everybody Knows.

As an added bonus, the record makes a great soundtrack for evening treks westward on I-70. Like to Joe's Valley, where I'm going Friday. Trent's Mom awaits...

Joe's Valley

2010-03-20T12:31:00.002-06:00

Usually when the spring weather in Colorado sucks the best thing to do is bail to Joe's Valley. This was not the case last week, as somebody must have hijacked Cobra's Weather Dominator and used it to devastate Utah with snow. Lots of snow.

On Monday the tops of the Jordan and Eden boulders were buried under a foot and a half of snow. Blackout was obscured by a two foot thick mound of ice, though the Gentlemen's Project was completely dry. The Masterpiece was under so much snow that the entire boulder blended into the hillside. Trent's Mom had a waterfall streaming down from the topout and the start holds were seeping.

Though the holds on Worst Case Scenario were dry, the top was a sheet of ice. We had to camp in the left fork, as all the parking and camping sites in the right fork were inaccessable. Hiking up to Battletoads/Playmate of the Year would involve post-holing up to your thigh, and anything past the mine was approacable only by snowmobile. Ghost King had a nice drizzle of snowmelt covering all the holds, and the other lines on that boulder were 100% wet. Nevertheless, our small posse saddled up and rode into New Joe's, where there were dry boulders to be found.

Matt Miller sends Chips

I Would Rather Be Climbing Her

Resident Evil

The rest of the week was a frustrating battle with conditions. Despite lots of snow removal, the start of Trent's Mom remained wet until Friday. The Jordan boulder was 90% wet when we left on Friday, and there looked to be enough snow left on top to keep it that way for another week or so. Eden never dried out while we were there, though there wasn't any snow left on the topout. Ghost King was dry on Friday, until another snow storm blew through and soaked it again.

On the plus side, I got to check out a few problems I'd never seen before: Black Dahlia, The Obelisk, Groundation, and Prince of Thieves. I've always been interested in Prince of Thieves, but I must say that I lost most of that interest upon firsthand inspection. Several of the holds are sharp and uncomfortable, and the line is less obvious than I imagined. Also, it's quite tall and the landing is not exactly a confidence booster. Still, it has nice black rock and would be a very worthy send, should the mood strike. The other three problems looked very good.

I didn't get to climb nearly as much as I wanted, as most of the things I was psyched on were in some stage of weather-based unclimbability, but it was a good time with good friends, so I can't complain too much. Too, I got to play with my camera a bit more than usual, which was nice.

Matt really needs a cowboy hat, and a blade of grass hanging from his lips

As a warning to anyone heading out to Joe's in the next week, be careful! Every boulder has been soaking up water for the last week and holds are waiting to explode. They Call Him Jordan has already broken, and we all know what happened to The Knocking Room. Also, the hillsides, especially in the left fork, are very unstable. Each day the road was littered with fresh rockfall, and throughout the week we could hear the rumbling of rockslides. Spooky.

Nemisis Climbs

2010-03-10T14:51:00.001-07:00

Everyone has at least one Nemisis Climb. Jaeger would probably call every climb a Nemissis Climb, even climbs he has flashed as warmups. Whatever the case may be, here are a few of mine:

The Nickness
As mentioned in the previous post, The Nickness shuts me down. Specifically, the first move, which I never have done. The move involves hanging as much weight as possible off the left arm while pushing off a little chip with the left foot. The right foot just smears under the roof for balance and all that is necessary to execute the move is to reach with the right hand for the sloper/pinch and control a small swing. For someone of my height there is almost no pulling involved; the right hand hold is well within arms reach. But I can't get myself to hang off the left long enough for my right hand to swoop out to the hold. Much falling, much anger, much frustration. By now failure on the move is entirely mental, as I pretty much expect to fall as soon as I pull on to the climb.

Beyond Life
I've tried this climb many times over the last few years, and have never been able to latch the critical right hand sidepull. Heel hooks are not really my thing, see, and heel hooks that require total body engagement are especially not my thing. When I get set up to reach up to the sidepull my body sticks out from the wall and I lose a good deal of reach. To do this move I know I need to get as much weight as possible over my right heel, and to do that I need to pull my hips into the wall. Instead, I worry that my ACL is going to explode and end up lunging clumsily toward the sidepull with no tension or precision. Jaeger is good at this move. Hayden is really good at this move. I am not.

Veritas
The Bear-toss. This one I've actually done all the moves on, though the crux move, yeah, only did that move once. And it wasn't from the start. And I fell immediately after. Anyway, this seems to be a climb that is either incredibly easy for you (such as Adam Strong doing laps with a cigarette dangling from his lips) or exceptionally difficult. Yes, that statement can be applied to nearly every climb, but with Veritas it is more distinct. I haven't decided yet if it's best to keep my right foot low and twist in to make the reach to the undercling or if I should just drop my right foot and shoulder up to the undercling nice and square with the wall. So far both methods have left me in a heap on the pads with my spine feeling like it's been corckscrewed 90 degrees the wrong way.

Failure on climbs is never fun, and the excitement of working projects usually wears off when progress stops. When this happens it is easy to get frustrated and write off the climb in question, which, for me, usually results in a downward spiral of anger that usually leads to impatience which always leads to more failure. It is very important for me to stay positive about a climb, even when said climb is a prime source of aggravation and discontent. In the case of the three aforementioned climbs, I try to focus on how spectacular they are. All three have high quality rock and unique movement, and at the end of the day the desire to stand on top of them overpowers any lingering taste of defeat. I do feel sorry though, for Justin, because I can't think of any redeeming qualities of Mongolian Cosmonaut.

Sessions in the Sun

2010-03-06T20:39:00.001-07:00

Though the weather may have been great, blue skies tend not to matter much in the icy canyon that is Newlin Creek. Unless you're fifteen years old and have a metabolism that more closely resembles nuclear fusion. In that case, throw on some shorts and boulder, son.

Though the temperature easily dipped below 40 and no one else climbed, the young Shay-Nemirow fearlessly cast aside the safety of warmer garments and made several worthy attempts on The Nickness. I think it's safe to say the ol' finger injury isn't slowing him down anymore. My attempts on The Nickness were not nearly as worthy, however, and the climb has now established itself high atop the Nemisis List. For whatever reason this climb shuts me down hard; I've tried it to some degree on seven or eight occasions and have never managed the first move. I know what I'm doing wrong each time and I am very aware of what I need to do to do the move, I just can't seem to bring any of that information into play when I try it. Mental battles like this can be supremely frustrating, but I enjoy the difficulty of working through them. Sending wouldn't be nearly as rewarding if everything came without challenge. Either way, it was inspiring to see Asher climb so well on the problem.

Those that are interested in Newlin, be warned: there is a lot of snow, and though many of the problems are climbable, almost none are topoutable. Too, the road to the parking lot is a quagmire the likes of which I have never seen before.

Long Dogs

2010-03-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

In place of rad climbing shots, here are dogs*:

Oliver, Long Dog extraordinaire:

Stella, Long Dog in training:

Mass hysteria!

*Note: these dogs are actually quiet, well mannered, and calm. It's almost like if you train your dogs to behave well, they do, and if you let them run amok, they do. Weird...

Another Amazing Front Range Excursion

2010-02-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

Watch out, Ladies, Asher Shay-Nemirow is back on the scene, and he's psyched as ever to pour his youthful energy and exuberance into sub-par rock climbs at the Millennium boulder:

youthful energy + exuberance

sub-par rock climbs

There were other people there, too, representing CATS in good style.

And I guess there was some climbing, or maybe a couple of people just had climbing shoes on and were pulling onto sections of rock. Whatever.

Someday this site will feature exciting photographs and maybe even something worth reading, but that day is not today. Until next time, look into the eye...

Soft Choss Update

2010-02-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Last week I was fortunate enough to make a solo trek back down to Hueco. I didn't take many pictures, but I did eat many burritos and drank many imported refrescos. Behold:

8a Comment of the Day

2010-02-02T22:16:00.002-07:00

David Graham 8a+ Beam me up Scotty Acephale Hard After being attacked by savage canadiens hiding in the forest in lay, we made to actually climb by 4 pm

Additions

2010-01-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Stella:

Yeah, that sweater she's wearing, it's the sleeve from Rocky's grey sweatshirt. Seriously.

Oliver approves

8a Comment of the Day

2010-01-29T06:59:00.002-07:00

Jaeger 7C+ Reverse uct Flagstaff OTntrdsnCypparCsAtoN 1 2004-04-04

note: it is no secret that Jaeger's spraysheet is chock full of ridiculous comments. I think this is at the top of the heap (with the exception of the "Shortwalker" comment which has been removed, unfortunately) as I have absolutely no idea what it means. In fact, this comment is so stupifying that it drains understanding of other, non-8a things from those who read it. Just now, while glacing over those seemingly random letters, I've forgotten how to operate my French Press. I fear that if I gaze, mystified, any longer at OTntrdsnCypparCsAtoN, I'll piss my pants and forget who I am. So be warned, fair reader: an attempt to understand Jaegerthought can only end in INSANITY!!!!11

8a Comment of the Day

2010-01-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Seth Allred Trainspotting Boulder canyon Train was a long time coming, but finally found the locomotion. 2nd ascent from original start? a nice pre-birthday bash. Also, I would like to thank Mr. Skippy and Mr. Jiff and their fine peanut products.

2 Fires 1 Match

2010-01-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

New rule: do not attempt Vampire sessions if the forecast for Red Feather is less than 45.

8a Comment of the Day

2010-01-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

Asher Shay-Nemirow 7C+ Riddles in the Dark RMNP I shall comment this in the morning. Psyched on rock climbing and the park and roof climbing and all my other projects. About eight clocks worth of work. 3 2009-07-22

8a Comment of the Day

2010-01-24T11:59:00.003-07:00

David Graham 8B Chunk up the Deuce Arkansas / Fred's Cave

the worlds mage wind guided me through the endless open oceans of blocs, and led me to this one. Sent fast.

Shots from the South

2010-01-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

And by South I mean Newlin Creek. Which is in the southern region of Colorado, more or less, and therefore worthy of the title "South."

Projects...

2010-01-19T18:30:00.001-07:00

It was a cold, quite day in Red Feather on Monday. Conditions were great, though the topouts were somewhat snowy and required maintenance.

Jamie came within two moves of sending the Dracula Project, which starts The Vampire and finishes on the far left of the boulder. There is another project that starts on The Vampire but busts out right to the arete and does a few hard moves to a mantle. I've decided, just now, to call this the Bram Stoker Project. Something tells me Chuck would approve. Of the name, that is. Jamie also found and cleaned a project 75 yards or so away from the Toucan boulder.

Yes, it is short. Yes, it is sharp. Yes, it is hard.

The crux/only move is a double clutch dyno/surge maneuver from two poor crimps to a mostly flat lip. Jamie was able to hit the lip a couple times but controlling the swing proved to be too difficult for the end of the day. Not a King Line by any means, but when completed the Lemonhead Project will be a nice, hard addition to the Ceremonies.

Stanley Kubrick

2010-01-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

You want to play, you got to pay, you got to earn your turns today. JEmerson doing some maintenance to Stanley Kubrick. The rig should be good to go now.

"He's up there like a retarded Gandalf" J.Glassberg

Hueco: Climbs

2010-01-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

And now for the main attraction. Rock climbs, and the climbers who climb them.

Ryan Silven, El Techo de los Tres B

Ryan Young not kneebaring on the classic, Full Service

Ben Spannuth flashing Focus

Silven, Scream

Sander Pick, Crown of Aragorn

Clayton Reagan, Man Gums

Silven, El Chupacabra Left and Flower Power

Kevin Cuckovich, Full Monty

James O'Connor, Some Dumb Crimp Ladder

Silven flashing Shroom and Man Gums

Ryan Young Maisch-ing Jingus Bells

Ryan Young Montana Drop Off-ing Jingus Bells

That's it. That's all there is.

Hueco: Scenery

2010-01-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

Many scenes were seen as well:

East Spur from West

East Spur Maze

Not a good sight in the morning.

Cactus

Moon over West

The one and only Fiesta Drive-In

Other Tanks

Hueco: Sunsets

2010-01-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

The sun sets quite a bit in Hueco Tanks. Here are some captured images of such occasions:

Hueco: People and Projects

2010-01-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

Ryan Young was a sports climber. Or so he says. I happen to know that he still partakes in bolt clipping, or at least dreams about it. What evidence do I have, you ask? Well, he carries a kneepad in his bouldering bag. And duck tape. And adhesive spray. Observe, Exhibit A: A Young Man and His Kneepad.

On the plus side, Ryan's a nice kid. And he took a lot of pictures, including pictures of people taking pictures of Ryan taking pictures.

He is not, however, a smoker. Neither am I, for that matter. But all the Peter Pans we went on tour with seemed to be, so we thought "what the hell, let's light up and enjoy the classy pleasure of a cigarette."

Poor Ryan couldn't even get the thing lit, so I gave it a go:

and failed terribly. Silven though, he was a champ. Showed us how Men do it.

Silven also got the spray down on James' super-project, a mostly-impossible line of edges leading into Terre De Sienne. Here James makes sure Silven knows where the holds are.

There were some other people in Hueco too. Apparently, it's a popular bouldering destination or something.

Despite the excess population, we had no problem getting reservations, unlike these poor gentlemen waiting at the gate.

Hueco: Cast and Crew

2010-01-05T15:44:00.002-07:00

Recently there was a change of scenery for this Cosmonaut from this:

to this:

Along the way forces were joined with a plethora of supporting cast members, including (but not limited to):

Ryan "That'll Play" Young

Ryan "He's a Machine" Silven

Ben "If I Would Have Known That I Would Have Dropped" Spannuth

James "KiaForte!" O'Connor

and featuring some weird British guy as Some Weird British Guy

With stories of Hueco's New Age being not as restrictive as feared, they make a trip back for the first time in seven years. Sharma may be forty pounds bigger, but the good news is it's all muscle. And while that may only be the back cover of Best of the West, it more or less sums up the trip that followed. Or not at all, but whatever. That'll play.

Dispatches from Hoth

2009-12-20T13:06:00.001-07:00

I thought winter climbing was all about finding the boulders that get sun and stay warm despite December's chill. Wrong. Winter climbing is about finding the rocks that never receive sunlight or solar warmth of any kind, and are accessible only by frozen river crossings.

Witness this recreation of a real photo of Lewis and Clark making their historic crossing of the Poudre River:

Photo: Sacagawea

The air was harsh and cold, the ice beneath our feet slippery. Nevertheless, we fastened our scarves tight about our necks and soldiered on.

Ryan received employee of the day honors for

a) his sick ice-ramp toe grab:

b) finding an amazing new crack project:

Seriously, Hayden, why do you drive all the way to Utah for this shit?

and c) discovering new, 5.9 beta for Ice 9:

There was also a new sport developed that day, but perhaps it's best to let the folks at Too Ugly for the Spot hash out those details.

The Feather

2009-12-09T11:15:00.003-07:00

Not the Feather, alas. Instead, Red Feather. Which isn't a bad thing. Despite cool temps and a long walk on a snow-crusted road, we came to a climbable boulder called The Chopper.

B3PO, our guide and firestarter

Christ Craft

Despite being low to the ground, The Chopper is a remarkably good climb. The first move, a powerful stab to a decent incut, is by far the crux, and after that come a few tenuous moves and a fun, Tigerstrike!!-approved mantle-press. We postulated that if it were on the boulder behind the Dali Wall, it would see more traffic than that boulder's namesake. Probably an exaggeration, but the point is that The Chopper, and Red Feather in general, is good. Very good.

To complete the day we saw a small herd (troop? gathering?) of deer, who seemed utterly uninterested in our activities. We joked that if it came down to it, none of us could cook, let alone capture, kill, and prepare, one of the deer. Grizzly Adams we ain't.

The Space

2009-11-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

A tour of The Space, where bands play:

No pictures exist of the outside of the building, so that its location remains classified. Once you enter, though, make for B Stairs.

Head down the delightfully foreboding B Stairs into the basement.

Hang a quick left at the bottom, and pass through a thick, deadbolted door into the main hallwway.

At the end of this hall, take a right. Do not acknowledge Lord Vader; making eye contact is an invitation to be Force-choked.

Take another right and your there. That's us, first door on the left. Room S8(N).

Be careful, though, for if you make a wrong turn or go too far down a certain hallway, you'll have to face this beast:

An Unexpected Guest

2009-11-03T18:35:00.004-07:00

Today, Lucas and I had a companion at Dark Waters:

We all got along well, even though she didn't bring a pad. Come to think of it, she wasn't too keen on spotting, either.

Made you look, Asher...

Neither of us had ever seen a black widow before, and we were both excited and terrified. Several things surprised me:
1) that she was at Dark Waters.
2) that she was so big.
3) that her hourglass was so vivd. I didn't adjust any settings on these photos; she's all natural.

It's great that climbing gives one the opportunity to be in the natural world (not that Clear Creek really exists in the natural world...) and come across such unexpected sights. Somehow, I don't think I'd have seen this if I was into racquetball.

Yellowhouse

2009-11-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Why, might you ask, does this post lack any new climbing media? Well, I'll tell you. This weekend, despite rather nice weather, I was busy preparing the house for occupation. Behold, the splendor of Yellowhouse:

Much work was done and much work remains. In the kitchen, especially:

before during

In place of climbing photos, look upon these less exciting, less interesting shots, and despair:

While I'm excited to be moving into an actual house, the knowledge that my glorious November weekends will be spent working on said house and not climbing has me dangling on the brink of a total Jaegeresque depression. At least I'll be using a chainsaw soon.

In other news, I'm keeping a little log over here documenting my NaNoWriMo exploits. Warning: total waste of time.

Goals: Lifetime Ticklist Edition

2009-10-30T11:18:00.002-06:00

Regardless of their devotion to climbing, everyone, I'm sure, has a ticklist of some sort. Inevitably, climbs make their way on to that list that are a) way too hard, b) way too far away, or c) way too blond. But therein lies the point of the ticklist: passing time thinking about amazing boulders (or routes, I guess). The classes I am currently enrolled in require a good deal of time sitting in the back thinking about problems I'd like to try, and today I came up with this, my North American All-Time Ticklist:

Slashface, 8B, Hueco Tanks.

Black Lung, 8B, Joe's Valley.

Nothing But Sunshine, 8B, RMNP.

Circadian Rhythm, 8B, Poudre Canyon.

No More Greener Grasses, 8A+, Mt. Evans.

The Shield, 8A+, Little Rock City.

Eclipse, 8A+, Little Cottonwood Canyon.

Wet Dream, 8A+, Red Rocks.

Right-Hand Mini Problem Sit, 8A+, CATS.

Something From Nothing, 8A, Great Barrington.

God Module, 8A, Horse Pens 40. Notice: video contains invalid ascent. Put them feet on the wall before the first move, son!

Haroun and the Sea of Stories, 8A, Bishop.

Drive On, 7C+, Yosemite.

Golden Harvest, 7C+, Rocktown.

Obviously, most of these climbs are far beyond my limit. Furthermore, it can be a heavy financial burden to take the necessary time off from work and school to travel to all of these areas, not to mention dealing with the swollen price of gasoline and data plans (for updating 8a from the iPhone, of course). I know that I’ll never see some of these climbs, and I’ll send fewer, but what matters is that making these ridiculous lists and thinking about these amazing climbs keeps me motivated, keeps the psyche level high. Why else spend so much time hunkered down under the steep wall at CATS, groping greasy pinches and fingering heinous crimps while spandexed children hurl themselves screaming down the runway and into the air with all manner of flips and spins and crash breathless onto the foam mats inches from the finish jug of Epic? That, and it also helps pass the time while the Professor explains multiplying fractions or details the many rules of run-on sentences. So win-win, really.

Ahhh, Noy...

2009-10-26T12:04:00.003-06:00

...another Joe's Valley post. But this one's from a different weekend, so everything's cool. Justin Jaeger, and his wonderful dogs, were my companions as I pointed the Black Whale westward for a few days of sandstone.

Despite rolling in at 2:00AM and sleeping for just a few hours, Justin had already sent five problems before anyone else had awoken. I think he was psyched.

Notice the Shadow Hound behind him?

He proceeded to have a pretty good day, firing Jitterbug Perfume in the morning and making quick work of Eden later in the afternoon. I'm sure all sorts of media of those climbs will appear on the pages of his blog for the next month or two, so here are a few pictures you might not see:

Of course, the highlight of the weekend was spending time with Brew and Kai, who, as usual, were on their best behavior.

He's very quiet. And calm. Quite docile, really.

Joe's continues to produce good times and great lines, and I hope to return soon. Several climbs weight heavily on my mind...

Impending Doom

2009-10-22T20:36:00.000-06:00

Things have been going well lately. I'm psyched on climbing (as always), school is a breeze, work has been enjoyable, and I've had plenty of time to deal with all the responsibilities on my plate. Clearly, now would be the time to put all that in great jeopardy. Enter NaNoWriMo. Exit freetime. Perhaps I'm being overdramatic, but producing a 50,000+ word novel in thirty days isn't exactly easy. Though when broken down it doesn't seem too bad: 12,500 words per week or 1,666.67 words per day or 69.44 words per hour or 1.15 words per minute or .019 words per second. Of course, these words have to be somewhat intelligble, and have to have something that resembles a plot. Other than that, no big deal. Right?

A Brief Moment of Self Aggrandizing Glory

2009-10-20T00:50:00.000-06:00

Normally I try to keep the spray to a minimum here on the site, but today is different. Today (yesterday, actually) I sent Purity Control at the Millennium Boulder. Big deal, you might say. Quite a few people have done this problem, and the grade wasn't even cutting edge a decade ago. Well, I don’t care. To my best estimate, I have spent thirty days trying this boulder. Thirty days over three-ish years. And now it’s done. I used to have a piece of paper stapled to my wall that I would write on every time I tried the problem. After eighteen days I tore the paper off the wall, as every entry said something like “stuck first move two out of twenty tries then tore massive flappers.” Rage! Today, though, I stuck the first move seven out of eight times.

Climbing can be such a difficult mental challenge and it is hard for me to be patient and really make every attempt count. Usually when I get remotely close to doing a problem I’ll go into attack mode and throw myself at the problem until it gives in, but today I knew I had to try a different approach. I told myself that if I was patient with the set-up for the second move and if I focused all my attention on the hold I was going for I’d do the problem. When I pulled on the wall for the eighth time I made sure my feet were in the proper location and my weight was balanced correctly before I moved to the left hand pocket. Amazingly, my hand hit the hold in the perfect position and I didn’t need to readjust. I brought my left foot up to the edge, making sure it was set before rolling my left hand into a crimp. I looked up at the right hand slot/edge and told myself to focus on that hold and that hold alone. An instant later I was watching my hand grab the edge and I continued to watch it as my legs swung out from the wall. The swing was greater than I expected but I knew there was no chance of falling. I brought my feet back onto the wall and had to push aside thoughts of relief and success so I could concentrate on the remaining easy moves. When I grabbed the lip I started laughing. I had imagined this moment for almost three years, and it felt better than I could ever have thought.

Purity Control is neither the hardest nor the best problem I have done, but it does have a special place in my mind. It was the first legitimate hard climb I ever tried, years ago when it was well above my ability level. I’ve tried it in every season in all conditions imaginable, with too many different people to count. I’ve watched the segment in Colorado Daydream hundreds of times and dreamt about sticking the second move before I’d ever sent V8. I’ve watched Chuck Fryberger do the climb completely static two times in a row and I even (randomly) saw Fred Nicole fire the rig in the most graceful series of movements I’ve ever witnessed. And now it’s done. Sending the problem felt good, but I also felt that I did the problem well; that I executed as flawless an ascent as I could manage. I have never felt this much satisfaction from a climb, and the Pumpkin Pie ice cream cone I had from Red Trolley afterwords was well deserved.

Photos, Psych, and Tortas by Ash

Escape

2009-10-19T12:11:00.007-06:00

Writing trip reports is not fun. But for Jaeger's sake, I'll do my best. Or rather, I'll do my best to write up the most ineffective, brief, and uninformative trip report I can manage. Here goes:

This past weekend yielded a quick trip to Joe's Valley, Utah. After a summer in the Park climbing mostly longer endurance problems, it was nice to get on short, powerful climbs, such as Skeleton Key.

Many Bothans died to bring you this information

There was a good crew assembled, and many ridiculous discussions were had. Is it better to crimp with three fingers or four?

Flannery says four, Jamie says three, but I'll just let James be the judge of that.

Also present was Hayden Miller, who was quite psyched to get an early start Sunday morning. After a quick warm up of Breakfast Skittles and tea, Hayden sent some slab, then nearly did The Ghost King in twenty minutes. Impressive.

The drive home was uneventful, save for a pleasant and brief interaction with a polite young Emery County Sheriff's Deputy outside of Castle Dale. Suck.

I like Wrigley

Big Apple

2009-10-12T16:02:00.003-06:00

No, not that one. I'm referring to this behemoth:

The infamous Honey Crisp, by far the largest apple I have ever seen, though probably not as large as this guy. Anyway, some comparison shots:

grape, carrot, strawberry, egg, red delicious, honey crisp

apple, cat

I did not eat this apple for some time after I bought it. It stayed in my refrigerator, lording over all the other fruits. Whenever I would reach for it a strange feeling would overtake me and I'd grab something else instead. It was growing a personality. Over the next six days we became fast friends. I even got it to proofread my midterm essay.

Hmm, yes, I like what you've done here.

However, it's time finally came, and it is with a tinge of sadness that I announce that I ate the apple today. It took 18 and a half minutes to consume. Seriously. And it was delicious. Quite possibly the greatest apple eating experience I've ever had. As with most things worthwhile, the experience was fleeting, and now I look to the future for further explorations in apple eating.

Adventures of Lil' Buckaroo, Chapter One: Elevenmile Canyon

2009-10-12T14:52:00.004-06:00

Escaping the icy gloom of Denver, Jaeger makes some impressive links on the Dr. Hahn testpiece "Anger Management."

Bwaaaaght!

Sadly, it was not to be.

Oh noooz!!!11

Regardless, I was impressed when, after falling off the final move in freezing pre-dusk conditions, Justin called it quits despite having remaining daylight, skin, and energy. Usually JJ throws himself at a problem until it either submits to his will or breaks him entirely. This day, he walked away sendless but content with his progress. Now you're learnin'.

Numero Uno

2009-10-12T12:18:00.001-06:00

The first post is critical; one must establish the tone of the page, as well as lay the foundation for what is to come. Long have I contemplated how to start this blog: a climbing picture, perhaps? Weak prose and food review? Or maybe a ridiculous picture of Jaeger? Well, there are sites featuring all of these things, and the purpose of this site is to bundle them all together, into one tasty package. Gaze upon these posts, ye who enter, and despair.

Ryan Silven warming it up

Total media coverage as Justin makes the historic first ascent of "The Malcontent"

More to come...